Hrmph.. i think u may have read from my previous entries that I was not on good terms with my parents cos I did not go to the hospital to visit somebody. The somebody passed away on Sunday morning. *Sigh* I managed to visit him on Saturday night but he was already unconscious. He looked so frail and it seemed that he had difficulty breathing. I felt so bad. So very very bad. I almost cried in the lift, my eyes were tearing and I think my brother could hear my irregular breathing as I tried to control the sobs. Why was I so stubborn? Why was I so petty? So ridiculously petty. He was not a relative but somebody even more important. Somebody well-respected. I did not want to visit him at the hospital cos I was angry. I was angry that he said I was very fat. How stupid and petty can that be? I would prolly be at a different place now if not for him. In fact, I would be a cripple. *Sobs* And I was angry because of a fact he stated? Well, I managed to 'salam' him that Saturday night but I think that wasnt enough. I wished I had visited him when he was still conscious. But well, it is TOO LATE. When my brother broke the news to me Sunday morning, I couldnt help crying. In fact, I couldnt sleep till four plus a.m. I went to the funeral and paid my respects but I felt so bad. So guilty. So petty. When I went out with Fendy later that day, my eyes couldnt stop tearing. It was such a pity that Fendy didnt get to meet him. *Sigh* May his soul rest in peace. Amen.
~your smile made the difference~
--8/25/2005 05:25:00 PM--
